there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
