Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
