erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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