i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
