woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
