If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
