it hurts more in the daytime
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
