Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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