:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
