Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
