so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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