Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
