Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
