Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
