Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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