Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
