We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
