can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
