I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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