I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize