And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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