Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
