3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
