you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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