You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
