i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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