He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
