Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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