mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
