Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
