I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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