accomplished twins. life is a go
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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