I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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