On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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