Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
