Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
