tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
