oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
