mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
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