haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
