help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
