We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
