I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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