You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
