nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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