WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
