My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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