this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
