He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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