I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
