You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
