I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
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