he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize