Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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