WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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