i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
