She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
