We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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