i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
