sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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