We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
