Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just had sex on a roof
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
