If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
