Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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