I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
