Come see our sink grown plant.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Everclear isn't food dammit
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
