Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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