This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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