I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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