I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
