he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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