Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
