My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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