Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm lost and stupid without you.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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