i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
did you just send me my own nude
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
