we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
