margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
