Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
