I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
id be glad to
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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