we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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