I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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