Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
