Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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