i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
