Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
