THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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