The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
