I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
