normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I intend to get homeless drunk
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
