Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
