So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
