At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
this hospital has no fireball
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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