I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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