oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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