my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize