But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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