You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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