those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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