sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
