yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
