I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
