I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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