yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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