I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
