the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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