i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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