hotel room ftw
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
