I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
