Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
